By Amanda Vasilikos
Relationships are difficult. We all know that. But why is it so hard for some people to stay faithful to one person? Research has shown the chemicals in our brains may have something to do with it.
Anyone who has ever fallen for someone knows the feeling of infatuation: sweaty palms, beating heart and the inability to think of anything else. You may think it is all in your head, but there are chemicals responsible for what you are feeling. According to an article by Dr. Laura Berman, brain chemicals called PEA, dopamine and norephinephrine, nature’s version of amphetamines, are released into our systems during the early stages of a relationship. You can thank norephinephrine for that pounding heart of yours.
Dopamine plays a key role in arousal and goal accomplishment, according to Dr. Ian Kerner. In his book, “Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve,” Kerner says dopamine is what promotes the chase. When sex is not possible, a trigger in the rewards center of the brain goes off and it makes a person want it more.
These three chemicals are what create the chemistry behind the feeling of infatuation. During this early stage in a relationship, people literally feel high on love, but this feeling only lasts around six months to three years depending on the individual.
Once this initial blast subsides, people move into the attachment phase of a relationship. Vasopressin and oxytocin kick in in this phase. These chemicals are what create the sense of bonding and calm in a relationship.
The problem that arises here is that as Berman puts it, “No one ever said calm was exciting.” Many people find themselves bored with their current partner and crave the rapturous feeling of infatuation, which lead some eyes to wander. A chemical tolerance for the current partner develops and only a new relationship will release those “high” feelings again.
Vasopressin is a key ingredient in recent scientific research at Emory University which led to the article, “Is There a Cheating Gene,” by Todd Katz of Happen magazine.
The research involves the prairie vole, one of the world’s 3 percent of socially monogamous mammals. Unlike its cousin the meadow vole, the prairie vole finds one partner and bonds with it for life.
The difference in these two rodents is the level of vasopressin receptors in the brain – the very same chemical that is released in the reward center of a human brain. In an e-mail interview, Miranda Lim, one of the Emory researchers, explained that the monogamous prairie voles have a lot of vasopressin receptors in the reward center of the brain. The chemical receptors help create a link between the smell of a mate and pleasure, which leads to monogamy. When Lim and her colleagues introduced the vasopressin-receptor gene into the meadow voles they too became monogamous.
What does this say about humans actions?
Loves seem to stimulate the same reward region of the brain, and although rodents are obviously simpler than humans, vasopressin seems to be key in creating a long-term connection between partners.
“Unfortunately we don’t know whether humans have a lot of vasopressin receptors in the ventral pallidum reward center yet,” Lim said. “At present, none of the lab techniques used for processing animal brain tissue are effective for human brain, but this is an exciting future project.”
Perhaps it is unlikely to cure unfaithful partners, but it is helpful to know why they may consider cheating. Boredom caused by a lack of the pleasure-friendly chemicals that are only present in the beginning of a relationship may be the culprit.
Studies show couples who hang in there during less exciting times are indeed better off in the long run.
After all, there are couples who say even after 25 years of marriage that they get butterflies whenever they walk through the door to see their spouse. This proves that it may be possible to sustain romantic love, it just takes work.
